Totally Sweet Tattoo Ideas

[ #4 ] IRRESPONSIBLE USE OF FOREIGN SCRIPT
Potential tattoo recipients are often attracted to the bold imagery and seemingly mysterious air of meaningful names or phrases written in fancy foreign script. (Japanese and Chinese characters are very common in textual tattoo requests, as well as Sanskrit and Elvish scripts.) Sadly, the average parlor patron neglects to perform an adequate amount of research on his exotic tattoo ideas before inking them, and afterward ends up caught in an embarrassing game of chance: “Does my tattoo actually mean what I think it means?”

If it should so happen that the tattoo in question doesn’t really declare what it’s supposed to be declaring, a whole new horrifying question must rear its ugly head: “What the f*** DOES this goddamn tattoo mean?” Something stupid? Something offensive? At best, the ill-prepared and spontaneously-tattooed party can avoid native speakers of their chosen tongue and hope they don’t ever find out about their tattoo’s meaning and origin for sure. At worst, they’ll be humiliated to discover an unsettling truth (the tattoo means “mustache” instead of “courage,” for example), and will end up kicking themselves in the pants over that one dumb decision for many years to come. The moral of the story is as follows: When dealing with foreign language tattoo ideas, thorough research should always be a prerequisite. Don’t take chances! That body is the only body you’ve got.

[ #3 ] LOL! THAT WOULD BE TOO FUNNY
Novelty tattoos consisting of humorous jokes, anecdotes or phrases are very similar to the “word tees” you might find inside your local Hot Topic store: They’re amusing for a little while, until the joke wears out its welcome and punchline becomes stale. Think about it: You aren’t still re-telling and laughing at the same dumb jokes you used to adore back in middle school, right? No! Nor are you currently busting a gut over the classic knee-slappers you’ve heard 50 times before, regardless of how funny they were, that first time around the block.

Although novelty tattoo ideas might seem like a recipe for a good laugh when mentioned in passing, the fact is that they simply aren’t going to retain their original hilarity (and that’s assuming they were even funny to begin with) throughout the ages. Once you hit 55, that sexually suggestive novelty tattoo is going to be a creepy, wrinkled, hairy turn-off to everyone around you. Think twice before you do things like these to your body; you’ll save yourself a heap of regret and an awful lot of lamentation along the lines of, “OH, GOD! What have I done? What was I thinking? I’m really dumb. OH, GOD!”

Posted in Bad Ideas, Good Advice, Top 10

[ #6 ] JIMMY’S BROTHER KNOWS A GUY
So, let’s say that your boyfriend’s sister’s cousin’s hairdresser’s nephew happens to “know a guy” who does tattoos out of his basement at rock-bottom prices. What’s-his-face can put in a good word for you with Mr. Basement Guy and have an appointment lined up by the end of the week. The cost is well within your budget and the work is allegedly shop-quality art. Intrigued? Well, don’t be.

Tattoo shops take care of all the artist certifications, experience requirements and general red tape so that you don’t have to. (Not to mention studio cleanliness and sterilization of tools!) If some self-proclaimed renegade tattooist is working from his or her personal dwelling, there’s probably a rather disconcerting reason for it. The fact that they are not currently (and probably have never been) employed by an actual tattoo parlor indicates to intelligent consumers that the artist in question must be lacking something that is generally a pre-requisite for legitimate work at a tattoo shop.

There are exceptions to this rule, of course, but you will probably have to suffer through the products of 10 horrible, inexperienced home-tattooists in order to find just one with skill comparable to that of a licensed, trained tattoo artist employed by a professional parlor. Don’t risk contracting a scary blood disease in some guy’s basement to save a few dollars on your new tattoo. Insist upon exceptional artistic skill and a professional work environment when bringing your tattoo ideas to life.

[ #5 ] BARGAIN SHOPPING WOES
Good tattoos aren’t cheap, and cheap tattoos aren’t good. “Shopping around” for a tattoo artist isn’t quite like shopping around for a sweet deal on a new washing machine. You’ll want to peruse portfolios and evaluate workspace cleanliness, but matters of cost (unless truly exorbitant) should never really be factored into the equation. At the end of the day, you’re going to have a permanent picture stamped onto your skin; is it really worth trying to cut corners and save a few bucks?

Big cities like L.A. and Las Vegas have their fair share of bottom-rung tattoo parlors; cheap, 24-hour-a-day shops whose staff members seem curiously intoxicated at all times. These types of establishments may offer the economical sensibilities you’re shooting for (meaning the tattoo prices are essentially “cheap, cheaper and cheapest”), but they definitely won’t provide the professional results you really need and desire (their sole goal is not to provide top-quality work, but to generate a lot of uninformed tourist and 20-something traffic while putting forth the bare minimum in effort). Down the line, you’ll end up having to pay someone with real skills to re-work and touch-up a poorly-done discount tattoo anyhow. Pay now or pay later. The choice is yours!

Posted in Bad Ideas, Good Advice, Top 10

[ #10 ] 1-D CARTOON CUTIES

Choosing a one-dimensional cartoon character as the subject of your next tattoo is not necessarily a recipe for total disaster, but it isn’t exactly the most exciting or inventive selection in the world either, all things considered. Nowadays, tattoo artists are nothing short of wizards wielding pretty, colored inks and buzzing needles. There are countless talented and creative tattooists making tremendous use of precise angles, intricate details and expert shading in order to create some undeniably awesome imagery with mind-blowing intensity and depth. Insisting upon an outdated cartoon image with its glaringly obvious limitations is just silly.

For the sake of visually appealing definition and dimension, consider re-working those “super hawt” Winnie the Pooh tramp-stamp tattoo ideas to include some shading and so forth. Totally Sweet Tattoo Ideas fully recommends searching the web to find a few attractive visual variations of your favorite toon, making sure to save and stockpile any pictures that seem to engender an alluring sense of realism and depth as a result of their artistry and shading. Google’s comprehensive image search is a great place to get started. Good luck!

{ Examples: Great || Not Great }

[ #9 ] FATHER TIME IS A CRUEL MASTER
Our bodies are always changing. Over time, ink fades and skin sags. Even the perkiest of bosoms are doomed to begin their descent into madness at some point. Smooth, supple buttocks of all sizes and shapes will undoubtedly become little more than fleshy flapjacks, dangling just below the base of some elderly individual’s spine. That’s Father Time for you! Old age is an unattractive inevitability, as far as the tattooed populace (and, well, everyone else) is concerned; a wrinkly inconvenience that simply can’t be dodged or cured. Tattoo pieces are doomed to fall victim to the ravages of age, just like the canvases upon which they are depicted. Wrinkly, saggy, stretchy skin equates to wrinkly, saggy, stretchy tattoos. That’s life, and there’s no getting around it.

So, how can the unsightly effects of aging on tattoos be minimized? Well, first thing’s first: Really take stock of your fabulous (or unfabulous, as the case may be) physique now, prior to hitting the tattoo parlor. Conduct a visual analysis and make a conscious decision to avoid inking areas that might already be considered “problem spots” in your own estimation. Envision the site and subject of your tattoo 40 years in the future, taking into account the natural wear-and-tear that all of our bodies are forced to endure over the course of a lifetime. Choose the best possible location for your tattoo (for example: the back, chest or wrist might be more appropriate than a sagging, enormous DD breast that is only going to migrate farther south over time), cross your fingers, hope for the best and try to take good care of your skin through the years. The rest is up to fate.

Posted in Bad Ideas, Fairies, Fantasy, Good Advice, Nature, Top 10